Bio Drama

If you read my profile on this blog you know I don't like talking about myself. The Toby Keith song "I Wanna Talk About Me"? Think the exact opposite. That's not me being coy, I really don't like to. I have no problem writing entire novels about other people's lives, but I get all fidgety when asked about my own. Which is why I blanched when my publisher told me he was going to need a bio from me.

I wrote my dedication, and got teared up as I mused over who to dedicate my work to. I compiled my acknowledgements and eagerly thanked each and every person that helped make my novel what it is. Then the bio. I stared blankly at the screen at a complete loss. The words that came weren't about me, but a list of the top ten things I would rather do then write a bio about ME. Here they are:

10.) Watch the History Channel with my husband and pretend I'm interested.
9.) Hang out in a group of strangers that don't know me at all but still feel it's okay to shorten my name to "Stace" or call me "honey" or "sweetie."
8.) Sit in traffic after drinking an entire bottle of water.
7.) Watch the movie "American Beauty" on a loop until I figure out the point of it and why it got an Academy Award.
6.) Have someone jab a spork in my eye.
5.) Wait in line at the Secretary of State not because I need anything, just so other people don't have to.
4.) Listen to pageant mom's argue how painting their daughters up like street walkers is just building their "confidence". (Although with this one I can't promise not to punch someone.)
3.) Volunteer to open any new toys purchased by anyone within a 100 mile radius, even though we all know those that package toys are evil people that revel in the misery of others.
2.) Listen to my kids talk to their dolls in that baby voice they do. Oh, that voice...
And the number 1 thing I'd rather do instead of write my bio is...(Drum roll)
1.) WRITE!! I just wanna write. I don't wanna talk about me. (Picture me pouting like a three year old.) However--sigh--I'll do it. But heed this warning: I can't promise it won't have heavily sarcastic undertones!